Meet The Legend
Kernelius once roasted a website so hard, its webmaster is now a goat farmer in Wyoming. True story, but don’t Google it.
Hi, I’m Kernelius Boldface – font snob, pixel perfectionist, and professional heartbreaker of poorly designed websites. Born from a kerning accident and a snarky tweet, I’ve dedicated my life to critiquing the digital world one tragic typeface at a time.
I believe Comic Sans is a cry for help, pop-ups are a crime, and buttons should never be shaped like kidneys. If your UX makes users cry, I’ll write a eulogy – and publish it. Consider me the Gordon Ramsay of web design: loud, blunt, and occasionally British-sounding when I’m mad.
I critique websites with the same intensity your grandma critiques your life choices. If your layout’s trash, I’ll call it landfill. If your fonts clash harder than a reality show reunion, I’ll make it fashionably public.
I’m the reason your designer double-checks spacing at 3AM. Buttons too small? I’ll roast them like expired marshmallows. UX too vague? I’ll write a thesis on why you should be banned from Figma. You didn’t hire me – and yet, here I am, judging you anyway.
If Oscar Wilde designed websites in the 21st century, his name would be Kernelius Boldface. Equal parts critic, philosopher, and menace to poor kerning.
He’s not just a critic - he’s a cultural event. Each critique feels like a TED Talk hosted by a sarcastic font god.
The most feared man in UX today. If you see his name in your inbox, your website might need therapy.